Can I Have Your (Enneagram) Number?

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About a year and a half ago I was struggling with the dead space that filled my nights. Too tired to read, no attention span to get lost in a binge worthy show and no bandwidth to be with people, I found myself scrolling social media. The ‘connection’ I found in social media helped me to feel not so isolated in the evening darkness. It doesn’t take much time on social media, however, to feel the comparison and jealously game kick in. It was becoming clear I needed a new interest to capture my attention. 

I was talking this dilemma through with a good friend when she suggested I study the Enneagram. I dismissed it pretty quickly. It sounded weird and I didn’t want to study anything, especially at night when my brain capacity was non existent. 

Weeks passed and I, like many of you I’m sure, kept hearing the buzz over Enneagram. I found myself in some conversations that felt like we were on the set of Divergent.

“I’m a 4 with a 5 wing but I identify with my 3 wing too.”

“I can tell I’m stressed because I’ve moved into my 8 tendencies.”

“It makes so much sense that as a 7 that I would be fearful of feeling stuck.”

Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? But I was over feeling like an outsider and I wanted in so I decided to take the test. I paid $12 for this official report but there are other great options that are free (like this test or this one).

What is the ‘Enneagram’?
The enneagram gives insights into the way people think, feel, and behave. It lays out nine distinct personality types and the adaptive habits, patterns of behavior, and strengths and gifts that characterize them.

• Exposes patterns and coping strategies and subconscious 
• Freedom, a map, to life out our best version of ourselves

Nine Types
There are nine different personality types on the Enneagram and extensive information to dig into. Each personality type, numbers 1-9, has things that motivate them or drive certain fear based behaviors. The different types have unique strengths and gifts that we all need to lean on and lean into. There is so much discovery through the Enneagram lens, for ourselves but also for others and how we can best love and support them.

1. The Perfectionist or Improver

• Right and Wrong, Black and White
• Moral
• Rule Followers
• Do the right thing
• Strong Inner Critic
• Idealistic
• High Integrity
• Challenges: Resentment, self critical
• Fear: Being bad, evil, or wrong
• Motivator: have integrity, be good, ethical, moral, right
  

2. The Befriender or Helper or Giver

• Relationships and connections are everything
• Give strategically (subconsciously) because they have a hard time articulating their own needs
• Friendly, upbeat and generous to a fault
• Want to be liked, care about what others think of them
• Very empathetic and intuitive
• Fear: Being unloved, worthless, needy
• Motivator: to be loved, wanted and appreciated 

3. The Performer or Achiever

• Task, goal and success oriented
• Important to be perceived as successful
• Great leaders
• Doing over feeling
• Hard to slow down
• Very efficient
• Challenge is knowing how YOU think and feel, vs what looks good
• Fear: Being a failure, incompetent, inefficient 
• Motivator: successful, efficient, valuable, be admired 

4. The Artist or Romantic

• Value emotion and authenticity
• Very comfortable with emotions
• Can focus on own internal world of emotion
• Value depth
• Creative
• Idealistic 
• Can be caught in emotion or melancholy or focus on past
• Fear: being inadequate, emotionally cut off, defective
• Motivator: be unique, special, authentic, original 

5. The Observer

• Shy, introverted 
• Less emotionally expressive
• Focus attention on thinking
• Love to learn
• Like privacy
• Major boundaries 
• Hard sharing, conserve energy
• Fear: Being ignorant, obligated, incapable 
• Motivator: competent, capable, insightful, knowledgeable 

6. The Loyalist

• Most common number
• Protect others from worst case scenarios
• Can be fearful
• loyal, analytical 
• Good at trouble shooting
• Can struggle with decision
• Fear: being without support, guidance or security, being blamed or abandoned
• Motivator:  have security, guidance and support

7. The Adventurer or Enthusiast

• Energetic, fast paced, optimistic
• Fun, stimulating 
• Like options, New
• FOMO
• Fun loving
• Dislikes uncomfortable feelings (sad, bored, pain) don’t want to get stuck
• Reframe negatives into positives
• Challenge is focusing on one thing at a time
• Fear: being trapped in emotional pain, limited, bored, FOMO
• Motivator: be fully satisfied or content

8. The Challenger

• Strength and power
• Move toward conflict and confrontation
• Love to create order
• Leaders
• Impulssive
• Big energy
• Hard time being vulnerable
• Fear: being weak, powerless, controlled, harmed, injustice
• Motivator: protect themselves and their inner circle

9. The Mediator or The Peacemaker

• Can see all sides of conversation
• Easy going
• Team players
• Out of touch with anger…don’t want to disrupt flow
• Avoid conflict
• Hard time saying no and standing up for themselves
• Can be passive aggressive
• Fear: being in conflict, loveless, separate, overlooked, shut out
• Motivator: inner stability, peace of mind

Wing
After you establish your number, you can learn about your ‘wing’. Your wing is the number above or below your Enneagram number. For example, you could be a 3 with a 2 wing or a 6 with a 7 wing. Your wing can only be the number on either side your core Enneagram number.

-Common miss

Movement in Enneagram
One of the things I really love about the Enneagram is the movement within it. Each core number has a number they move toward when they are unhealthy and stressed out and a different number they shift to in health. If you think about your own life, when you are frustrated your mood and tendencies shift, right? Do you become short and blunt? Quiet and secluded? Melancholy and moody? What about when you are mentally healthy and in a good place, do you become spontaneous and more light hearted? More self aware? Or aware of others and their needs? Everyone shifts and knowing your behavior in good and bad situations is not only helpful for you to recognize but also your friends, family or significant other.

The Enneagram has hands down been the greatest tool I’ve found to help understand myself. It’s helped me feel understood when I hear others that are wired like me and how they process the world. I’ve learned grace and understanding. I’ve learned about the parts I’m proud of but also the parts of me that need some work. I’ve learned about my unique talents and strengths as well as the areas I’m most likely to struggle.

P.S. If you are looking to know more about the Enneagram and your number check out this book or this podcast for starters! There’s some great Instagram accounts to learn from as well like this, this or this one!