It’s so familiar I don’t even notice it. The cadence runs in the background as it wraps around my daily thoughts and actions like a snake choking out its prey. The loop runs on autopilot navigating my decisions without me even realizing it. Somehow it’s convinced my thought life into believing the loop is for my own good, my protection, my safe keeping. It’s narrowed my vision and thrown my gifts to the wayside.
It takes roughly 40 times of hearing or saying something for a belief to form, even if it’s not based in truth. Once we’ve formed a belief we create a brain trail making the belief all the more accessible. Much like cutting through the grass for the first time, you can’t tell where you’ve stepped and the course you’ve plotted. However, over time with each repeated impression the grass folds, the color lessens and our route begins to feel familiar and show wear.
Our eyes become blind to the corner we’ve backed ourselves into. Our role as a wallflower in our own life grows comfortable and feels safe. It happens so slowly and quietly, placing small doubts and new narratives in our mind that we were never meant to claim.
What’s your loop? What default mode have you played so many times it’s become a part of your belief system? When your mind runs on autopilot, what does it tell you?
My loop hurts. It’s kept me from vulnerability and it’s derailed conversations. My loop says:
“You’re too much.”
“Your story’s too much. Your perspective’s too much. You are too much.”
And so I shut down, play small, and hold back.
Until one day I heard a quote and it shifted something in me: “The cave you fear holds the treasure you seek.”
Is it possible that the loop I’ve grown to believe, that’s boxed me in, the exact opposite of that is my truth? That I am in fact not ‘too much’? Perhaps I’ve been given excess because I’m suppose to share it. Perhaps someone’s shortage matches my overage? Maybe my overflow is someones needed flow? Could it be that my ‘too much’ is actually ‘just right’?
If that’s all true, and the reason God created me and placed me on this planet is to share my life, my experiences and my perspective with others, of course I would face adversity and doubt would crowd out my truth. If I doubt my abilities, pull back from my purpose and abandon my gifts, darkness wins. If I fear vulnerability and being ‘too much’, it’s no surprise that fear would be used against the very way God designed me. The loop is formed in direct opposition of the truth.
What cave do you fear? What loop is holding you back from your best self? Is it possible for you too, that the exact opposite of your loop, is your greatest strength and treasure? New trails can be formed, false beliefs can be removed and truth can be restored if we push back on the loop and have the courage to seek our best self.