Waiting is hard. The seconds seem like hours, the days feel like years and the answers seem like they’ll never come. My timeline of how things should unfold is always waiting on the actual timeline to arrive. I’m impatient and can be quick to jump to a decision of what I think is best. Waiting doesn’t bring out the best in me but it does bring out the best for me.
Most of life’s events involve some kind of waiting room. As a kid I remember my nose pressed up against the window waiting for my friend to arrive to hang out. Or how impossible Christmas Eve nights were to fall asleep and wait knowing the big reveal was coming. Counting down the days to summer break, waiting to hear if you made the team, got into the school or were offered the job.
Sometimes there are really hard things to wait for like a positive pregnancy test, a clear scan or requited love. Waiting in these rooms can seem excruciating. I know because I’ve spent time in all of them. When you are in these types of waiting rooms it can seem like you’ve been overlooked as everyone else’s name gets called before you. You find yourself alone, waiting. Still. Again. More.
Life can seem like a continual series of waiting rooms. How can we possibly survive these waiting rooms?
It’s the anticipation of hope, a feeling of expectation or desire for a certain outcome. Hope is our fuel in the waiting room to see us through to the other side. If we didn’t have hope for something it wouldn’t be worth waiting it out in the first place. We see a potential story, we wish for an answer and we want to see the bigger picture.
Think back to a waiting room you’ve been asked to sit in. What were you waiting for? What hope did you hold on to? And perhaps, most importantly, what did it build in you?
I tried for years to get pregnant with a second child. My waiting room involved miscarriages, tears, broken plans and even a cancer diagnosis for me. But my hope? My hope was that one day I would hold a child in my arms again, that Dawson would have a sibling and that I would be a mom again. If I didn’t have hope to fuel me in the waiting room I would have left but my hope held me there. My waiting room built grit, patience, resiliency, creativity, empathy and appreciation…all qualities I can’t obtain without waiting. Now this week, I’ll celebrate my daughter’s 6th birthday and am reminded still how worth the wait she was.
We are all in a season of waiting right now. I know how hard it is and I’m not here to make light of that. Waiting on a test result can feel impossible. Waiting for a returned ‘I love you’ is painfully vulnerable. Waiting for good news can turn you inside out. It feels overwhelming, suffocating and sometimes incredibly painful.
Perhaps your waiting room story unfolded differently than you hoped for, and for that I’m sorry too. It’s hard to accept an alternative ending. But, BUT there is still hope to be found. It just looks different. Keep looking, keep searching and keep waiting your time is coming.
What hope is fueling you right now?
There is an end to the wait and today marks us one day closer.